you've got the power
Volition [(n) the faculty or power of using one’s will] is a terrifyingly powerful and wonderfully magical thing when you realize how simple it actually is to cash in on. When you realize that the thing holding you back is yourself, just you, everything begins to change. When you realize that it's you - not the naysayers, nor the roads untravelled, nor the roadblocks that seem to ubiquitously place themselves in front of your striding feet, but it's actually just you holding yourself back - the world becomes something new.
Once you meet yourself in this way, once you look that well placed hurdle head on, you realize that you are gazing deeply, and simply, into yourself. And through yourself you are gazing into the bright abyss that is life’s greatest and most rewarding challenge - the place where you meet your ambition, your self worth, your empowerment. The place where you don't just acknowledge but actually own your agency, your motivation, your desire. The scary and beautiful place where you embrace all of your abilities, where you become emboldened by your elan, your joi de vivre. The place where you get your gusto, and it sticks to you like the very shadow you were born with.
It is a tremendous gift you give yourself when you accept the reality of what has kept you stagnant — or lost, or trying — for so, so long. There is an incredible and rare type of freedom that comes from realizing, and then accepting that you are what you make yourself.
You are what you make, yourself.
It is a freedom that is frustrating and empowering all at once, heart wrenching and gut turning and head spinningly wonderful. When you look yourself and your life straight on and accept it for what it is - yours - you receive a two-fold payout, both chock full of personal freedoms. First, you learn that you are the reason you have not yet made your life what you want it to be. And then second, you learn that you are the very person - the only person - who will make your life what you want it to be. There is a base-level of self acceptance involved in this process, in this facing of the two sided reality of life, and it is in the shadow of this dual nature we often get lost and run away from self growth.
And so, why do we run away from the freedom that comes with accountability? Why do we allow ourselves to stay on the dark side of our own personal moons, when there is so much brilliant light to guide us just half a rotation away? There is something life changingly powerful in the acceptance of the dual nature of our own volition, of the power we contain as living breathing sentient beings. But often that power feels like too much - like it is so much greater than ourselves, and so we shy away from it. For when we recognize the power we have to make our dreams come true, we also acknowledge our power to flesh out our very worst nightmares. And when we first encounter this realization, just the process alone of taking ownership of all the dreams and nightmares of our past - none the less those of tomorrow - can be daunting, can feel impossible.
But if we force ourselves to look, well, ourselves, square in the (preferably third) eye, we are granted an insiders view at how to be better. We see all the ways in which we haven't been our best, all the ways in which we have often been our own worst enemy. And of course, this can hurt, and can be incredibly difficult if not completely revolting. But those queasy feelings will begin to cease if you can stop looking at yourself as your own worst enemy. Trust yourself, trust the collective psyche, and know that no matter how big the mistake may seem, you made it for a reason. Know that you had to make that mistake - no matter how grave it may have been - in order to gain the insight that mistake provides. And if you can't dig that metaphysical perspective - then recognize the reality that you can only go forward, not back, and that the only person's actions you can control are your own.
allow yourself to realize that